Where Have All the Manners Gone? 

On a recent business trip, we witnessed several confrontational incidents between passengers at the airport and on the plane that gave this blog cause for concern. It appears that we no longer require ourselves to be polite or even cordial to one another. On the contrary, it seems that we are all feeling empowered to push our way to the head of the line and feel timid and put upon if we don't. One woman on the plane who couldn't fit her carryon in the overhead defied the flight attendant to the point that security was called, and she and her luggage were removed from the flight. It was clear to everyone on the plane that her conduct was not in her best interest, and that it was not going to end well for her. Nevertheless, she persisted. What could be causing this rise in self-destructive conduct that we see almost daily?

We Made a Call

When we got home from the trip, we made a call to a social work psychologist who we often consult with. We described the incidents on the trip we just completed and asked: Where have all the manners gone?

SWP: "The United States of America was founded by gentlemen. They understood that if their experiment in freedom was going to work, we all had to be respectful of one another's rights. They considered manners the fundamental building blocks of society. Manners foster respect, empathy, and connection among free individuals. Manners are the basis of civilization. Citizenship is shared responsibility, common purpose, and sense of community. Cicero defined (civitas) as a social body bound by a duty to the whole and respect for the individual."

GVT: Apparently, we have forgotten that. Why? What has happened to us?

SWP: "250 years have passed, and we have evolved in an increasingly fast-paced and digital world. With the rise of social media, texting, and emails, face-to-face interactions have been replaced by impersonal and often curt forms of communication. We haven't forgotten manners. We just don't see their purpose anymore. Online, people express themselves in a more casual manner that doesn't waste time on politeness and decorum. In short, we're simply out of practice."

GVT: But respect for shared spaces and consideration for one another are the foundations of our democracy. What will happen to our society if we continue down this callous path?

SWP: "Without respect for one another's dignity and rights as a citizen, our democratic republic is doomed. No foreign power is near the threat to our survival as the erosion of our own culture of respect and empathy. The increasing polarization and hostility in our political debates have led to a breakdown in civility and mutual respect. Instead of engaging in constructive dialogue and debate, individuals often resort to personal attacks, inflammatory rhetoric, and divisive language. This trend hinders our ability to find common ground and work towards solutions. In other words, our form of democratic government is not working anymore. Just like your lady on the plane, we're killing ourselves."

GVT: How can we turn this around?

SWP: "I know this is a cliché, but everything starts in the home. If children aren't taught respect at home, a turnaround later in life is unlikely. The catch, of course, is how do we turn the parents around? They can be impacted by the media (both online and traditional), and the children can be impacted by educators. But how do we influence the media and the schools in a free society? You can't dictate content to a free media. You can't make it a law to be polite.

So, I guess it starts with us. You and me. All we can do to start the ball rolling is hold ourselves accountable and in that way model good manners for those around us. It's like throwing one small stone into a large lake. Eventually, the ripples fan out across the entire lake."