A Message from Domestic Violence Case Workers 

We recently attended a Zoom discussion with 4 case workers who labor on behalf of domestic violence victims. They asked us to spread the word that they are here to help. They explained that the biggest obstacle to helping domestic violence victims is that the victims themselves are so often reluctant to report the abuse. In short, a large portion of domestic violence goes unreported or is reported long after the abuse has reached a critical stage.

What Exactly is Domestic Violence?

Most people limit their understanding of domestic violence to physical violence perpetrated by a male partner on a female partner. The domestic violence case workers, however, explained that domestic violence, (also known as relationship violence, spousal abuse, or intimate partner violence), is more accurately defined as any sort of abuse that occurs between romantic or sexual partners. They add that the term “domestic violence” also includes abuse directed at any members of a shared household. This includes elder abuse and child abuse.

Legal Definition

"Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone."

Reluctance to Report Domestic Violence

The case workers explained that often people don't understand that they are the victims of illegal domestic violence or abuse, especially if the abuse has not reached the inevitable physically violent stage. Even when physical violence is present, victims often believe that it was a rare incident and won't happen again...until it does. Therefore, not realizing that they are the victims of illegal spousal abuse and not knowing that there are professionals out there ready and willing to help are the two main reasons continued spousal abuse goes unreported. The case workers participating in the round table pointed out, however, that even when victims know full well that they are in an abusive relationship, they are still reluctant to call for help.

• Many victims suffer in silence blaming themselves for getting into a dysfunctional relationship.
• Often victims worry that reporting the abuse might break up the family.
• Some worry that seeking help could make the danger for themselves and their children worse.
• Some parents worry that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them.
• Some men don't reveal abuse due to concern about the way people might view their masculinity.
• Men being abused by other men may be hesitant to talk about the problem because it could reveal sexual orientation or gender identity when there is a desire to keep that information private.

We Are Only a Hotline Away

Anyone who feels threatened, vulnerable or scared in a relationship needs help. Along with causing physical harm, domestic violence can lead to many other problems, including depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It also can raise the risk of drug or alcohol misuse.

You can seek help by calling the domestic violence hotline:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) or,

text "START" to 88788 or,

visit the website to access live chat NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

You can call the hotline anytime. It's available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. The hotline offers tools and support for anyone dealing with domestic violence. It's free and confidential. Hotline counselors can tell you about resources to help you. Make the call when your partner is away. Or call from a family member's or friend's home or other safe location.

We'll Help You Make a Plan

If you feel vulnerable, scared or threatened by your partner, it’s important to make a safety plan. This plan can help if you decide to leave your partner. It’s also valuable to have a safety plan if you are in danger and need to get away quickly. Take these steps:

1. Start by calling us on the emergency hot line.
2. Pack an emergency bag. Include items you’ll need if you leave, such as clothes, extra keys, a phone charger, and spare glasses or contact lenses. Store the bag in a safe place. Keep it outside your home, if possible.
3. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications easily available. That way you can take them with you on short notice.
4. Keep a phone close by as much as possible. Have emergency numbers and key contacts entered into the phone so that you can call quickly if you need help.
5. Decide ahead of time where you’ll go if you leave and how you’ll get there.
6. It’s also a good idea to plan a signal you can give to a trusted friend, neighbor or family member if you need someone to call 911 or emergency help for you.

The domestic violence case workers ended our Zoom call on this note…

"And remember...We are here to help."