Lonely Adolescents

Social media and children's mental health

"Adolescence is a unique, highly sensitive developmental stage initiated by puberty. During this time, the biological imperative is to detach from family and move closer to peers,” according to a 2021 study of adolescent grief during the COVID-19 pandemic. “In more individualistic cultures, a core developmental task of adolescence is to determine ‘who am I?’ Adolescents seek a coherent, integrated, and stable sense of themselves, separate from the identity imposed on them by family.” This is normal personality development in our Western culture but carries with it the risk of falling into a deep sense of loneliness especially for adolescents as they try to separate their personal identity from their identity as a member of their family. Their desire to feel socially accepted and identify with a group beyond their family of origin becomes particularly intense during this developmental period.

Technology + Covid

The progression of technology in the average adolescent's everyday life began with the internet, progressed to the cell phone (a pocket computer powered by 8 GB of RAM compared to the 32 kilobits that landed the first man on the moon) and finally morphed into social media platforms used to instantly connect with everyone they knew and many they had never met.
Then, along came COVID-19, and adherence to the social distancing regulations during the pandemic meant that the typical ways of coping by engaging with others – being together in smaller or larger groups – became difficult. Reduced access to other people that typically provides social support left adolescents more vulnerable to experiencing loneliness.
With limited abilities to connect with others in person during social distancing and isolation mandates, social media became increasingly used for connecting adolescents in social interactions.
While some studies have shown that social media allowed adolescents to maintain relationships, other studies found that higher levels of social media use was associated with poorer mental health and higher levels of loneliness.

Social Life in Cyberspace

How youth perceive the quality of their relationships, that is, how their lives are linked to others, can have far reaching consequences for their mental and physical well-being. An extensive study conducted by Kaiser Permanente discovered the following:

Findings suggest that adolescents who use social media for the motive of maintaining their relationships feel lonelier than those who spend the same amount of time on social media for other reasons.
When individuals engage in extensive and long-term use of social media, they may unintentionally replace real-world interactions with virtual relationships, increasing their perception of social isolation and exacerbating their feelings of loneliness.
Researchers found that adolescents turn to social media more when they’re feeling lonely but surprisingly felt worse after spending time on social media. It didn’t help them feel less isolated. It made them feel lonelier.
This was due to social comparison (the act of comparing themselves to others). The more study participants compared themselves to others while using social media, the less happy they felt.
“Social comparison often happens when you feel like you’re not experiencing the lives others are portraying in their posts,” says Michael Torres, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Kaiser Permanente Mental Health and Wellness Center in San Leandro, California. "It can be hard not to feel bad about yourself — especially if others are glamorizing their lives or curating their posts to look a certain way."

Managing Cyber Relations

After distilling the research findings, Dr. Torres made the following recommendations:

"Try cutting back to a total of one hour a day to help you get to a healthier frame of mind. The goal is to give yourself some time away from social media to de-stress, focus on yourself, and feel better."
If you’re really struggling with negative emotions and loneliness because of social media, Dr. Torres suggests taking a 1- to 2-week break from it. Then measure how you feel afterward. “Chances are you’ll feel better,” he says.
“Stop following people, organizations, and causes that make you feel bad,” says Dr. Torres. “This is an essential boundary to establish for yourself,” he says.
Dr. Torres recommends following organizations that are doing good in the world and that inspire you. This could be organizations or campaigns that promote healthy living, well-being, and other encouraging messages.
“I especially like to encourage teens and young adults to commit to going positive on social media — it helps get them out of the gossipy and cyberbully world of social media,” he says.
"The point, though, isn’t to post a glossy, idealized version of your life to make others jealous. It’s more about creating a positive space for you and others. Share things that you’re learning or developing in your life to help connect you with others."
“Nothing is better than an actual in-person engagement with a friend,” he explains. "When you’re face-to-face, you can read body language, emotions, and energy better, which means more empathy and less comparison."

It’s important that social workers watch for signs that adolescents’ experiences with loneliness may be edging toward greater isolation if they limit their relationships to social media platforms.